Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
