Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
