i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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