If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she smelled like a LAN party
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
