I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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