Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You took a bar mat shot.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
