My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
