i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
