So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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