i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
