You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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