I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
