I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Randomize
