if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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