I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
