Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
