How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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