Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
