i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
