That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
