I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
