I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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