She is in my trunk
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
