On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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