i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
