So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
