he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
