good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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