ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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