I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
