he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My breasts were aching with rage.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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