Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
