i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
