I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
