He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
