You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
