i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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