Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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