I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
