wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
