oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
