Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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