You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
