dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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