I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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