my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Im part way to drunk.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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