My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
