the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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