I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you had me at cake vodka
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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