you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dignity is for republicans.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
